she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
