plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
