I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
