Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
