I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
