I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
