The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
