Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
