yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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