Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
