Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
