i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
