I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
