The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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