I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
