Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
