I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
