officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
