You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
