Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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