You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
