i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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