What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
