he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize