i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
