The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
