My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
