you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
