Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i've created a new STD.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
