can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
