I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
