I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
