It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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