If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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