Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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