I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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