i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
