I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
