Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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