I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
