somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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