2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
