Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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