my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
