I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Rumble strips road head = magical
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
