can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
