I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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