Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
