we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
