I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
