My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
