Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
