How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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