So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
