i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
