There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize