Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This baby is an asshole
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
