She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
