Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
