Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
