His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
