I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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