Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
