if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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