Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
