I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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