Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
