FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
