she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
