Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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