can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sober January is a disaster.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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