Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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