Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
