When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
